By Valerie Dye
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Dear God,
As I lie here tonight,
I am touched by the depth of your grace.
Feeling these arms around me,
And hearing the steady breathing beside me
Awakens me to the precious gift you’ve given me.
God, thank you for this beating heart,
Beneath my chin,
Lulling me to sleep.
I know that each beat
Beats with a love for me
That only you and I can understand.
God, thank you for these rough, calloused hands,
Perfectly enveloping my own.
I know that the marks they bear,
They have borne for me.
God, thank you for the friends I’ve met along the way.
Thank you for them, for they understand my feelings.
They know that we did not sign up for this.
No, we were signed up,
Signed up the day our love swore an oath to protect.
We wait, we hold our breaths, we cry
So that others don’t have to.
We go months without his touch,
We go months without falling asleep to that heartbeat.
We go months without feeling the softness of those rough hands.
Thank you for giving me the strength to wait,
To understand the amount of time spent together
Does not define our love.
Thank you for the uncertainty,
For it allows me to fully appreciate these moments.
Thank you for forcing me to do alone,
What most others have the privilege to do with someone else,
So that I may become stronger,
So that I may make my love as proud as he has made me.
God, give me the grace to see that this is not for everyone,
And that that makes me no better than anyone else,
Just different.
Remind me that my struggle is unique,
One only to be shared with a select few,
And that even amongst those few,
That each struggle is different,
Each as painfully difficult,
Yet absolutely as worth it as the next.
Help me to never take these little moments for granted.
Thank you for the sacrifice he is making,
And for giving me the strength to make my own.
This steady beating heart,
It beats for you,
It beats for me,
It beats for us.
And for that, I am grateful.
Amen
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