"As for outside understanding from non-professionals, it’s very frustrating when you’re trying to work through an issue and people offer advice without having any meaningful understanding of the situation, even when they mean well. Personally, as I’ve stated before, I don’t think civilians can ever have a real understanding of what military families deal with. It’s not their fault, this just happens to be a lifestyle that you have to live in order to appreciate the joys and challenges that come along with it. For me, when I receive simplistic-sounding advice from people who don’t understand the range of emotions that one experiences during a deployment, I tend to brush it off or ignore it. Sometimes, I’m not in the business of seeking advice, I just want to talk to someone who understands. That’s when I turn to my military community for support because they are the only ones who truly get it."
This is such a huge topic when you are a military spouse. You look at your civilian friends those you may have had for your whole life who you though where always there for you. Then you look at those who are also military spouses, those you probably just met but haven been through more with you or been there for you more then those civilian friends. Those are the ones we turn to. We often find ourselves turning to those friends who we probably just met and not our life long civilian friends. We pull away from our civilian friends because well lets face it they just dont understand. I know I have done this. I have pulled away from almost all, if not all, of my friends whom I had before I married into the military. Not because I dont love them but because we live two different lives. They dont get why I pack up and move every few years or why Im do what I do. They dont know what to say when your husband deploys because they have never gone through it. So I find myself only asking them about their lives the life I once had and understand and then its usually only a one sided conversation because they dont ask about yours. Then eventually that gets annoying on your part and you stop talking at all.I even find myself not going to family when it comes to the military. Even they dont understand. I just went through a scary experience during this deployment that I wouldnt dare to pick up the phone and call Matts family or my own. So I found myself calling my best friend, a military spouse, one who understands. This is just how it is really. I dont think Im better then them because of what MY husband does or what WE go through.. we just dont have anything to talk about. And a one sided relationship gets old fast. Not to mention I want someone who understands me!! I mean isnt that what friends are for? To lean on each other? not a one sided relationship.
I believe this will forever go on... the argument of what a civilian does or doesnt understand.. well that was my opinion.
I understand completely what you are talking about. I find myself relying on other military spouses and have stayed away from my friends and my past life. My bestest friends now are these other wives.
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