MJ is at that age where most people are starting to try and have another baby. Every friend of ours, who also had a baby the same time we had MJ, is either pregnant again, trying, or about to try. If you follow my blog, you know that I am dead set on not having another for many reasons. Lately All this baby talk has made me kind of sad. Its like Im missing out on something that I should be doing along with everyone else. It got me thinking... alot. Do I really not want another baby? What are my seasonings? Are they legit. I would love for MJ to have a sibling. But after I sat and thought about it, that is really the ONLY reason I would want to have another baby. For MJ. If you ask me that is very selfish. The baby would solely be here to 'be a sibling to MJ'. Now I know thats not how I would feel after I actually had another baby. I would love him or her as much as I love MJ. I probably would not be able to imagine my life with out him or her. But right now, thats really the only reason I would want one. I dont think thats really fair to the child.
I was pretty emotional last night about the subject. I had to really sit and think about what I really wanted, and talk to M about what he wanted. I thought about how much MJ would love it. He would really after a few years of probably being angry at us for bringing yet another thing in the house that will take up time away from him ( He already fights with Kemba like a brother). BUT there were so many reasons not to have another. The cost. The fact we just bought a 3 bedroom house because we didnt want another baby. And for selfish reasons, Not wanting to be pregnant again.
I always thought I would be a mom of 2 or 3 until we went through fertility issues and were finally blessed with MJ. Its scary. Trying to have a baby not knowing if you will get pregnant or not. Or worrying for 9 months if the baby will be healthy. Then being a parent and worrying about keeping them safe once they arrive is a whole other fear. I dont want to go through all of that. It gives me axiety to even think about the things that could go wrong. Yep I am that person. I worry about things way too much.
When I was looking online and reading other moms of 1 stories and worries about having another baby, I read a post from someone saying, Do you really want another child, or another baby. It was funny to think about really. Most people are that way, they want the baby. BABY FEVER but then they grow up and they want another BABY. But me, I dont want another baby. I would want another child. I would want to just skip the whole baby phase and have another MJs age. Can I do that? I really just wish MJ was a twin. Two of the most amazing little man ever.
So after talking to M and realizing that what I really wanted was a playmate for MJ, not another child I decided that that was no where near a good enough reason to have another child, and although I will still be sad when others get pregnant around me, I will just have to remember that. Eventually the years will pass and people will be done having babies and I wont have to be sad anymore. But until then, I know there will be those days where I really reconsider having more, and then a week later, be fine and content with out choice. It also helps that M is on the same page as me. At first I think he was a little dissapointed when I came back and said I wanted only one. But he slowly decided the same. I really just thought he was just saying it to make me happy until I asked him again last night. He really doesnt want another. That MJ was it. That made me feel so much better to have him on the same page. A relief in a way.
So there it is. MJ will be an only child. A spoiled to the core but amazing, only child. One who needs a lot of friends who come to my house and play so I dont need to worry about him being lonely lol
I was pretty emotional last night about the subject. I had to really sit and think about what I really wanted, and talk to M about what he wanted. I thought about how much MJ would love it. He would really after a few years of probably being angry at us for bringing yet another thing in the house that will take up time away from him ( He already fights with Kemba like a brother). BUT there were so many reasons not to have another. The cost. The fact we just bought a 3 bedroom house because we didnt want another baby. And for selfish reasons, Not wanting to be pregnant again.
I always thought I would be a mom of 2 or 3 until we went through fertility issues and were finally blessed with MJ. Its scary. Trying to have a baby not knowing if you will get pregnant or not. Or worrying for 9 months if the baby will be healthy. Then being a parent and worrying about keeping them safe once they arrive is a whole other fear. I dont want to go through all of that. It gives me axiety to even think about the things that could go wrong. Yep I am that person. I worry about things way too much.
When I was looking online and reading other moms of 1 stories and worries about having another baby, I read a post from someone saying, Do you really want another child, or another baby. It was funny to think about really. Most people are that way, they want the baby. BABY FEVER but then they grow up and they want another BABY. But me, I dont want another baby. I would want another child. I would want to just skip the whole baby phase and have another MJs age. Can I do that? I really just wish MJ was a twin. Two of the most amazing little man ever.
So after talking to M and realizing that what I really wanted was a playmate for MJ, not another child I decided that that was no where near a good enough reason to have another child, and although I will still be sad when others get pregnant around me, I will just have to remember that. Eventually the years will pass and people will be done having babies and I wont have to be sad anymore. But until then, I know there will be those days where I really reconsider having more, and then a week later, be fine and content with out choice. It also helps that M is on the same page as me. At first I think he was a little dissapointed when I came back and said I wanted only one. But he slowly decided the same. I really just thought he was just saying it to make me happy until I asked him again last night. He really doesnt want another. That MJ was it. That made me feel so much better to have him on the same page. A relief in a way.
So there it is. MJ will be an only child. A spoiled to the core but amazing, only child. One who needs a lot of friends who come to my house and play so I dont need to worry about him being lonely lol
I have been going through the SAME thing! So many of my friends who had their babies around the same time I had Peyton are either pregnant or ready to be. When I sit down and think about it, the only reason I can come up with is a sibling for Peyton. Like you said, I know I would never regret having another, but I'm selfishly not ready to be pregnant again...or go through the baby phase again. I am NOT a baby person! If I could have another and it would come out Peyton's age, I'd do it in a heart beat lol. When I think about not giving Peyton a sibling, I feel selfish though, so that's kind of getting me thinking about it. I know Andrew isn't ready either, but I can tell he's kind of cracking. We know for sure we wouldn't even think about it until the beginning of next year, and even then who knows if we will ever want another. I love my little man and selfishly want him to myself. But I agree, you look around and wonder if you're missing out on something because you aren't so anxious for another. Right now, I'm about 60% positive I don't want another, so I'm a little more on the side of having more than you are, but I completely feel your worries and fears and think they are legit! Having children is no light matter, and it's so good you realize that!
ReplyDeleteSo glad im not the only one Val. When I read the girl post that thing about only wanting a kid because you want a sibling for your first child kind of hit me. Its true we should want a baby because we want a baby not because we want our son to be able to play with someone. So that, and talking to M made it clear! Im still gonna be sad many times Im sure but it will pass. And I will just cry to you lol
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