Helping MJ Understand

When a deployment happens, or a long TDY, you worry about your kids. Of course you do they are your kids. What are they going to thing? Will they Understand? How will they act? What will it be like to be 'single' parent in the house? This all goes through your head over and over. Like all military spouses that face a deployment or TDY with kids, it went through mine and Ms. MJ is so young ,16 months, that he doesnt really understand why daddy has to leave or why he can only hear his voice over the phone or see him on the computer. He doesnt understand time, that it will only be 7 weeks. 7 weeks to insure he doesnt deploy for at least 4 years. I can tell him over and over again that M is coming home soon. At this age they dont even really get sad. He feels something, just doesnt know what.

I look at MJ and see how his attitude has changed since M left only 2 weeks ago. For the most part he is the same little boy. Happy and active, crazy active.But you can tell he knows something is missing. He has been pretty destructive lately. Not out of anger is seems, He doesnt get mad and throw things and break them, he just breaks them because. So far he has broken things off his Pirate water table he got for his birthday and a few other toys. He throws them constantly. Then of course there are the little tantrums he throws but those are pretty normal for him.

So what do you do at this age?? They dont understand! I feel bad getting angry at him because of the situation, but you have to. You cant just let him get away with the bad behavior or it might continue even after M gets home. So I have being disciplining him when he needs to be disciplined. It just has to be done. He is starting to get his toys taken away for sure. But on the other side I want to help him understand, or help him feel ok so this doesnt happen. I have read everything possible on deployments or TDYs with young children. People suggest all sorts of things but some I dont see working with us. So this is what we have been doing:


I gave him a picture of M to carry around. One I dont mind being beat up. He doesnt do it often but he does grab it throughout the day.

I constantly talk about M with him. So he knows that his daddy didnt leave us.


He has two bears, other then Simba. A Camo bear and a bear we call Daddy Bear that is a brown bear in ABUs. He has been wanting to sleep with Simba and the Camo bear every night. He also has been wanting Daddy bear more often lately. He will be in his crib and point to is and day "Daddy". So he gets those.

When he does break things, he gets his toys taken away and I calmly explain to him that its not ok.

When he throws tantrums I wait until he does and them love on him extra to make sure he knows that we love him.

And of course he gets to see daddy often on Skype which he loves.


He doesnt get it. I know this. But If I can do one little thing that might make him feel a little bit better, I will. M will be home in 5 weeks. It will fly by I know. And although he will only have been gone for 7 weeks, it will feel like a lifetime and we will be more then happy to have him home with us again.