When you become a Military Spouse, you feel pride and joy. Your so giddy that you married the man in the uniform. The one that looks amazing in his dress blues. Then you move to your first base, far away from home and any friends you had before. Your new. You think your alone. And all that fun exciting feeling flies out the window. I came across this article on nextgenmilspouse.com and though it was perfect. I also added a few of my own!
Things Every Military Spouse Should Know
You are never alone. Though it may feel like it
sometimes, there is always someone else who is going through something
similar, you just have to find them. And I know a whole bunch of people
on our
Facebook page and
Twitter feed that are ready to support you through whatever challenge you face. We’re all here for you whether you’re active duty,
Reserve, or National Guard. Stronger together.
Don’t define yourself as solely a military spouse. A mistake a lot of military spouses make is
defining themselves
as nothing more than so-and-so’s spouse or Army wife etc. You need
other things in your life or it will be a long and boring deployment if
your only interest is your spouse’s career.
It’s okay to have outside interests. Period.
Where the Class 6 is (and the commissary, and the exchange, and the medical treatment facility and the legal office, all of the other important places you will need to use).
While you may not want to shop at the commissary all the time, it’s
good to know where it is in case you ever need to pick something up
really quick. And if something were to happen to your spouse while she
was at work you would definitely want to know where the nearest MTF
(medical treatment facility) is. You should always learn where the
important things on base are, whether or not you live on post.
This too shall pass. When it gets really hard, like
that hump in the middle of a deployment, and it seems like it will never
get better, remember, it will pass. Eventually.
You can handle this. One thing I hear a lot
from people who are not married to a service member is that they
couldn’t handle living this life. But anyone can, and YOU especially
can. You love your servicemember even if you don’t love everything
about the military.
You have many resources at your fingertips. Use them.
There are scholarships for spouses, you can get free daycare during a
deployment, you have access to help finding a job, and so much more.
Learn what is available to you, and use it!
A positive attitude can get you much farther than a negative one.
If you have a positive outlook even during the worst situations,
everything seems better. Have to move in 30 days? If you look at it as a
challenge and an adventure, it is much easier than if you look at it as
the worst thing ever.
The motto of the military should be hurry up, wait and be patient. The military is known for never doing things on time. It is what it is.
Be flexible,
things change so much in the military, your spouse might come home at 5
pm on the dot every day for a week and then the next week you are lucky
if she is home by 9 pm. Instead of getting irritated, roll with it.
Making concrete plans can often bite you in the butt!
Deployments and separations do end even if they seem like they won’t.
Your friends and family might not get it, but that’s okay. This
is something a lot of people who are new to the military struggle with.
Their friends and family just don’t get what it’s like. Adjusting to
time apart is hard and you might get comments like “well, this is what
you signed up for.” It’s hard and while these comments are rude, they
usually aren’t aiming to be hurtful.
Embrace where you live, even if you don’t like your duty station.
You might hate where you are, but try to see the good in it, and
collect something from everywhere you live. You might never get to go
back there, and from experience I can tell you, you will miss things
about even the worst duty stations. There is always a redeeming quality.
Don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s. Everyone loses when you play the
who has it worse game.
“My husband’s been gone 13 months” “Yeah ,well mine missed the birth of
2 of our children.” “My wife and I had to put our family plans on hold
when she got orders to deploy.” No one has it worse than anyone. If
someone is having a rough time,
telling them how much worse your situation is won’t help them. Or you.
A general POA won’t get you everywhere…make sure
you’re packing heat. There are many different kinds of powers of
attorney you might need, there are ones for housing, dealing with your
cars, and your bank. A lot of places require a specific POA. Make sure
you have any and all POAs you might need.
It’s better to have and not need than to need and not have.
Give everyone a chance. Don’t judge a book by it’s
cover. You could miss out on a great friendship. Probably my favorite
thing about military life is the way so many
different types of people come together. You meet people you would have never otherwise met, or even spoken to.
To add to this one, dont listen to the drama. My closest friends are the ones that people told me NOT to be friends with.
Always Remember 7:30AM ( revile) , 5PM (national anthem) and 10PM (taps). You will often be caught outside during one of these and you will look pretty silly if you dont know what to do! So ask your husband.
Dont leave it up to your spouse to tell you events that are happening around base and the squadron. I would have missed 90% of the spouses events if I would have waited for M to tell me about them. Get out! Get involved! For the most part, Im the one telling M whats going on and when. He usually has no idea!
If you live on base, take care of your house. I see so many people with the mind set that its not their house so they dont care what happens to it. Well guess what!! When you are getting ready to PCS you are going to have to pay for every little thing you didnt care about before you go! Adding on replacing your entire grass in the backyard on top of the to do list of things to do before you PCS is not fun. Mistakes and wear and tear happen! But Housing can tell the difference between that and just lack of caring. To go along with that, dont be rude to the housing office when you arent getting what you want while trying to get a house. Remember they are the ones you have to go through to out process from your house, and they can make it HELL for you if they choose.
Get to know your neighbors even if you arent friends. I had to go ask my neighbor the day after I moved into our house, while M was deployed, for a phone because I locked myself out. You never want neighbors that dont like you, that will not be a fun 3 years.
Well thats all I can think of now. I know I wish I would have known a lot of these when I first became a military spouse. You can also look back a month or so ago and read about how you should 'act' as a military spouse as well!!Good Luck!
