Almost there

Well Christmas is FINALLY over! I know thats sad to say right? I have been waiting for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years to be over since Matt left. One because the Holidays are just gloomy without him here, and Two because it meant that this Deployment is almost over. When it hit that half way point it didnt feel like it was half way with the Holidays and such just around the corner. I wanted to make it to January 1st. That was my goal because it seemed like after the Holidays it will be all down hill from there. Im really hoping thats the case. I hope that January flys by and then Feb. should go by fast because it will be nothing but working, working out, and getting ready for Matt to come home in March. Of course we wont have a date till days before if that but knowing that I can say its next month, or even better, this month is gonna be a great feeling. Not too much longer please go by fast!!!!!!!

Bring Him Home Santa

If Only I could get the one thing On my Christmas list this year :( I miss you Matt. Wish I could wake up to you next to me Christmas morning.

He's wonderful

I really do have such an amazing husband. I know I say it so often sorry if it gets annoying but he is my world honestly. Im proud to be his wife. He puts a smile on my face when im down makes me laugh when Im stressed. He is so good to me. I know and trust that he will do anything and everything to take are of me and our future children. Man he is going to be such a great father. I can not wait to see his face the day we get pregnant, then when we have our child, then everyday after that. Its going to be truly amazing, it is truly amazing. This life with hi is truly amazing. The past hour all I can think about is him coming home. I will want to just run and jump on him. Legs wrapped around him kinda jumping. Is that appropriate? Probably not lol but boy is that what I want to do. Its gonna take a lot to keep from doing it. Thinking of that day he comes home in March puts a smile on my face and if just for a moment makes the day easier to bear.... I love you baby and cant wait for you to come home... the countdown is getting smaller!

Sad to say Im missing Cali very much

Surf Beach

Im having a sad sad depressing day. Its making me miss California. Its making me miss Lompoc and Santa Barbara. I had a friend of mine .. i would call them up when I was down and say " lets go to surf" they would drop everything and we would go.. they wouldnt ask or say a word we would just go.. we would walk for miles in the water or just sit until i was ready to talk or not talk.Surf Beach is the one place I can go to that makes everything go away... even if its only for a little while. It was truly amazing. Not the best looking beach no but it was quite, no one was aloud in the water so there werent many people there. The waves where bigger then me. They would crash down and make such loud amazing sounds. Around 6pm was the most beautiful time. Seeing the sun set behind these huge crashing waves. The sight and that sound made everything go away. I would walk for miles along the water where only my feet would get wet, or I would sit up by the rail road tracks with my feet dug into the cold sand and just watch and listen. We didnt have to talk unless I wanted to. If I was alone it was nice to get my thoughts straight. I want to go back there.

Cause I've Been waiting for you, So long So long

Hello world,
Hope your listening
Forgive me if I’m young,
Speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
And I think they could be
The better half of me
In the wrong place trying to make it right
And I’m tired of justifying

So I say to you
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t half as bad
As they paint it to be
Father sons, mother daughters
Stop to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin
And I might start now
Or maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home

Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
and that’s why I need you here
x2

So hear this now
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

A military wife's life is easier than you think. All you have to do is accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, bear the intolerable, and be able to smile at anything.

Sad Thought

I follow a blog written by a young military mom and widow. I have followed it for quite some time now.. prolly almost a year. She is a woman who said bye to her marine husband about a year ago while she was pregnant not knowing that this would be the last time she ever saw him. I have read her post and in a way watched her go through this struggle. I have read her post and although I havent been in her shoes I feel like I can feel her pain. She is so detailed. Today I read a post from her that was written just a few days ago. It talked about how that day was the day she said goodbye to her husband.. the day he deployed. The last time she ever saw him. That post really got to me. I know im not supposed to think about things like this and i believe Matt is more safe then many other military members but we just dont think about that. We dont think that when we say goodbye to our husbands the day they deploy that this could possibly be the last one time ever that we see them. We take things for granted really. When they are here we take advantage of them or argue or whatever, then they deploy and we realize those things we do and vow to not do it again, then they get home and after the 'honeymoon' stage we start all over, untill they deploy again. Its like a vicious circle. Buttt we dont add in there that what if they dont come home? Then with all the hurt and sadness we wish that we hadnt have done any of those things EVER!! We just dont think about the what ifs really. Well I know I dont.. or didnt untill today. Like I said I believe Matt will come home but there is that what if. For just a second today I put myself in her shoes. I pictured my last day ever seeing him and my last week and our last fight... then you think about all the thing you wish you could do over.  So I know that its almost impossible to not argue or have your bad days or whatever i mean we are only human, but fro this day forward I really am going to try to not argue about those stupid things, to make every day perfect. Because what if it really is our last? I dont want to live with regrets. So Im gonna start making memories more then ever, take more pictures of us, laugh a little more. Because those are the best times.. the times we wont regret.