Almost there

Well Christmas is FINALLY over! I know thats sad to say right? I have been waiting for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years to be over since Matt left. One because the Holidays are just gloomy without him here, and Two because it meant that this Deployment is almost over. When it hit that half way point it didnt feel like it was half way with the Holidays and such just around the corner. I wanted to make it to January 1st. That was my goal because it seemed like after the Holidays it will be all down hill from there. Im really hoping thats the case. I hope that January flys by and then Feb. should go by fast because it will be nothing but working, working out, and getting ready for Matt to come home in March. Of course we wont have a date till days before if that but knowing that I can say its next month, or even better, this month is gonna be a great feeling. Not too much longer please go by fast!!!!!!!

Bring Him Home Santa

If Only I could get the one thing On my Christmas list this year :( I miss you Matt. Wish I could wake up to you next to me Christmas morning.

He's wonderful

I really do have such an amazing husband. I know I say it so often sorry if it gets annoying but he is my world honestly. Im proud to be his wife. He puts a smile on my face when im down makes me laugh when Im stressed. He is so good to me. I know and trust that he will do anything and everything to take are of me and our future children. Man he is going to be such a great father. I can not wait to see his face the day we get pregnant, then when we have our child, then everyday after that. Its going to be truly amazing, it is truly amazing. This life with hi is truly amazing. The past hour all I can think about is him coming home. I will want to just run and jump on him. Legs wrapped around him kinda jumping. Is that appropriate? Probably not lol but boy is that what I want to do. Its gonna take a lot to keep from doing it. Thinking of that day he comes home in March puts a smile on my face and if just for a moment makes the day easier to bear.... I love you baby and cant wait for you to come home... the countdown is getting smaller!

Sad to say Im missing Cali very much

Surf Beach

Im having a sad sad depressing day. Its making me miss California. Its making me miss Lompoc and Santa Barbara. I had a friend of mine .. i would call them up when I was down and say " lets go to surf" they would drop everything and we would go.. they wouldnt ask or say a word we would just go.. we would walk for miles in the water or just sit until i was ready to talk or not talk.Surf Beach is the one place I can go to that makes everything go away... even if its only for a little while. It was truly amazing. Not the best looking beach no but it was quite, no one was aloud in the water so there werent many people there. The waves where bigger then me. They would crash down and make such loud amazing sounds. Around 6pm was the most beautiful time. Seeing the sun set behind these huge crashing waves. The sight and that sound made everything go away. I would walk for miles along the water where only my feet would get wet, or I would sit up by the rail road tracks with my feet dug into the cold sand and just watch and listen. We didnt have to talk unless I wanted to. If I was alone it was nice to get my thoughts straight. I want to go back there.

Cause I've Been waiting for you, So long So long

Hello world,
Hope your listening
Forgive me if I’m young,
Speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
And I think they could be
The better half of me
In the wrong place trying to make it right
And I’m tired of justifying

So I say to you
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t half as bad
As they paint it to be
Father sons, mother daughters
Stop to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin
And I might start now
Or maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home

Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
and that’s why I need you here
x2

So hear this now
Come home come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
So long for so long
And right now there is a wall
Between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

A military wife's life is easier than you think. All you have to do is accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, bear the intolerable, and be able to smile at anything.

Sad Thought

I follow a blog written by a young military mom and widow. I have followed it for quite some time now.. prolly almost a year. She is a woman who said bye to her marine husband about a year ago while she was pregnant not knowing that this would be the last time she ever saw him. I have read her post and in a way watched her go through this struggle. I have read her post and although I havent been in her shoes I feel like I can feel her pain. She is so detailed. Today I read a post from her that was written just a few days ago. It talked about how that day was the day she said goodbye to her husband.. the day he deployed. The last time she ever saw him. That post really got to me. I know im not supposed to think about things like this and i believe Matt is more safe then many other military members but we just dont think about that. We dont think that when we say goodbye to our husbands the day they deploy that this could possibly be the last one time ever that we see them. We take things for granted really. When they are here we take advantage of them or argue or whatever, then they deploy and we realize those things we do and vow to not do it again, then they get home and after the 'honeymoon' stage we start all over, untill they deploy again. Its like a vicious circle. Buttt we dont add in there that what if they dont come home? Then with all the hurt and sadness we wish that we hadnt have done any of those things EVER!! We just dont think about the what ifs really. Well I know I dont.. or didnt untill today. Like I said I believe Matt will come home but there is that what if. For just a second today I put myself in her shoes. I pictured my last day ever seeing him and my last week and our last fight... then you think about all the thing you wish you could do over.  So I know that its almost impossible to not argue or have your bad days or whatever i mean we are only human, but fro this day forward I really am going to try to not argue about those stupid things, to make every day perfect. Because what if it really is our last? I dont want to live with regrets. So Im gonna start making memories more then ever, take more pictures of us, laugh a little more. Because those are the best times.. the times we wont regret.

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is here and Im dreading it more then anything. I have never had a surgery in my life and to do it without my husband by my side is killing me. He is the only one who can calm me down and ease my nerve, he is the only one I want by my side and there when I wake up. Im going to die when I wake up and not see him there. It has been a hard week. All I think about is how he wont be there, he cant be there. I dont want to do this.. I cant do this without him. Tonight is the night before and it has finally hit me the hardest that I have to do this without him... ughhhhh

My Life Long Plan

When I was moving I cam across a list I made at the beginning of the year of my life long goals.. what I wanted to do before I die, my bucket list. Of course there was things that everyone wants to do like travel the world and blah blah but Im figured I would list some things here for you to read..

 Fall in Love

Get married

Build our own home

Have a child

Learn a foreign language

Change someones life forever

Go Skinny Dipping

Get my masters degree

Live overseas for at least a year

Become a Teacher

Go On vacation somewhere other the the US or Mexico

Help out the needy

I cant think of the rest now and there were some more personal ones... but I believe everyone should do this at one point in their life.. and dont just write it do it!!

Alone For Christmas

This is hard.. Going through a deployment is always gonna be hard. But for some reason this one seems like its going to be the worst one. He left me... a month after we got married. During this deployment I moved into our first house by myself, I spent Thanksgiving without him, I decorated our home for Christmas this year without him beside me, I will wake up on Christmas morning with him across the world, and I will go into and come out of Surgery without knowing he is here to take care of me.

   I have been doing really good lately. I have been keeping busy, being happy. But its been slowly coming back.. me being sad. Im terrified to go into this surgery without him knowing I wont have him by my side when I wake up. So terrified in fact I dont want to do it at all.. I tell my self everyday Im gonna wait, wait till he is home with me. I know I cant..... It breaks my heart that I have to go through something without him, alone... when I need him the most. Then I think about all the other things he has already missed or will miss. Thanksgiving wasnt Thanksgiving.. dont get me wrong I had fun but it seemed like just another night with friends not a special holiday because I wasnt with him or any family. Knowing that I will wake up on Christmas morning alone kills me... Its not Christmas with out him... I feel like I just want to take down all my decorations and forget its only 25 days away sometimes... and today is that sometime... I sat there looking into my living room staring at the lit up Christmas tree and the lights in the windows with dinner cooking... cooking for one... and it made me remember Im alone... that he is half a world away and we cant be together... I dont want to do this anymore. I would give anything to have him here to hold me tonight... everynight...

preparing for surgery

Well its the week before my surgery and I am busy busy busy preparing for it. I have to make sure my house is clean, there is food in the pantry that I am able to prepare, the dogs are ready, all my errands are ran, I have shipped out Matt's Christmas package, my cheer girls are set for Hillary to take over for a week or possibly two, and last but not least my finals are finished. So far I have gone grocery shopping and its Wednesday... Hmmm lol. I think tomorrow I will clean the house and finish up a few last minute things to put in Matts Christmas package before practice. Friday I have another Pre Op Appointment the an appointment in town then right back up to base to go to Bunco Night at JoAnn's since this is my last fun event I can do until Probably the squadron Christmas Party.. Its going to be a long boring week in bed and even after that I wont be able to do much. Hmmm I guess  I can catch up on books that I need to read, and I can watch every movie I own lol. And I will prolly blog a lot but how boring will my post be haha well off to do HW..

Australia

I am so excited that Matt and I have finally decided on where we want to go on our delayed honeymoon!!! We had talked about Cancun or a cruise but we finally decided on going to Australia! Matt is planning our trip to Australia in April as we speak! We will drive to California to take the dogs to my mos house so they can spend time with their grandma while we are off on our beautiful much needed vacation. Its so exciting to think that in about 4 months not only will Matt be home with us again, but that we will be in sucha  beautiful place relaxing with just the two of us. I can not wait!!! Let another countdown begin soon once we set the official date! I am just so happy. Maybe this vacation will give us our last missing piece to our beautiful family :) Anyways I will keep you updated on the plans as they come about a little more.. And yes Im gonna brag because I have never done anything like this so I can lol jk jk It will be a nice little getaway for us two, then we will be home for a little before we head to Ohio to visit Matt's family and then home for a little again then off to Oregon to watch my brother Steven and Kim get married and see my family! Lets just say March, April, May, and June will be 4 amazing months. I can not wait!!