John Legend is my buddy today

During this deployment two things have gotten me through each day..well three, My dogs, books, and music. No matter what mood im in I love music. When Im happy, sad, mad, whatever there is all types of music that gets me over whatever Im going through. So during this deployment I have gone through each day with Music on my radio, laptop, or my min when I cant listen to it like at work. I listen to mostly songs that remind me of Matt of course. All those sad songs about their loved ones being away, or happy songs that me and Matt used to listen to together all the time, or the ones he would sing to me in the car rides to Boise. I even listen to the ones I hated that he sang only because I would kill to have him back here singing them at the top of his lungs instead of him being in Iraq. I have made playlist on my Ipod: Deployment 1, Deployment 2 etc. I send those cds to Matt since he cant download music and I listen to them over and over again. Today its John Legend. John Legend is my buddy today. I ave managed to make a playlist dedicated specifically to him. Well besides one song. I burned it and will be sending it to Matthew in his next care package. Why John Legend? Because I remember oe day when me ad Matt were fighting he put a few of his songs on in the car on the way to base and my mood changed almost immediately. It makes me think of him. So here is to you Mr John Legend.. your getting me through today and probably this next week till I move on to someone new.

My dogs are my kids

So as you prolly know Matt and I have no 'human' children YET. I am asked this question all the time being near a military installation where people get married and have children young. I say " well yes two furry ones". Our dogs are our kids and will continue to be our kids even after we have 'human' children. Now back a few weeks ago when I interviewed on the radio I was prepared for the question: "Do you have children?" and I was prepared to answer " Yes sir I do, a 2 1/2 year old mutt and a 6 month old Brown one". Now what response do you think I would have gotten with that answer? A mutt and a brown one? lol LeBron and Maui are our children. We take care of them, raise them, love them, and they love us back. Is that not just like children? Do people not adopt 'human' children just like we adopt pets? Well yes adopting pets is easier then adopting a child but same thing right? They may have big ears, go to the bathroom outside, drink out of the tolite, walk on all fours, and lick your face a little too much but then again so do some peoples children! :) Well Needless to say I treat my dogs, my fur babies, like they are my children because to me they are. They have kept me sane at times when I wanted to go crazy, gave me companionship when I was lonely and have cheered me up in my darkest days. With out them I would be a lost and heart broken woman during this deployment. So yes I think its fair to say that just like if I would if I have a child, I dress them up for holidays take family pictures and mail them out to the relatives . Until I have a child to add to the Christmas cards this is how it will remain! I love my puppies!

Its fading away..

Although I get to see Matt on skype almost everyday, it seems like everything is fading away. I am forgetting what he smells like and what his kisses are like. Its only been 3 weeks and It already feels like its been month since the last time he touched me. How is this gonna be for six long months Im dying for his touch his kisses his smell. I hate this feeling of distance. How do you feel close to someone when they are so far away. How do you keep up a marriage when you cant be together? I guess I better figure it out soon huh? Just come home soon baby! I love you be safe.

Week By Week

I hate to look at this deployment as 6 months. I hate to sit here and think that dang Im not going to see my husband for 6 long months. In fact I hate to think about that fact that he is gone at all. So here I am living week by week. All of us 726th Spouses have tried to plan things as often as we can to keep everyone busy. The Friday after they left we had a meeting and planned for the Air Force Appreciation Day Parade, Saturday was the Parade. Also Friday was the Radio Show. Then last Wednesday was  Key Spouse lunch meeting which was fun. Saturday we went to the Veterans Resource Network with all the spouses to pack care packages for the guys. I packed one for Matt, one for our friend Mowry, and one big one for the other guys who are there. Then after me and Melinda kept busy with lunch and some shopping. This next weekend is the UnBall BBQ. Its for us 726th spouses whos husbands are deployed and can not attend the Ball. We are having a big BBQ. All spouses are invited. Then we are trying to plan stuff for next month also. More care packages pumpkin patches and more. Its much easier to look forward to something week by week than look at it like oh 6 months.... Hopefully this makes it go by faster. I know when It gets around the holidays its gonna go either way. Its gonna go by slow and Im gonna be down that he is away or it will go by really fast and I wont have time to be sad. Lets hope for the first one. This week should hopefully go smoothly. Work hours are different Friday off, No school for a few weeks. The only downer is the multiple doctor appointments and the CT scan on Friday. Man do I wish Matt was home for those.

The most amazing husband in the world... just saying

Well I thought I would write a post about the man that has stolen my heart.  His name is LeBron.... ahahahah JK baby, although my handsome chocolate lab is pretty darn cute. Anyways back to what I was saying, without Matt I guess there would not be a 'Life as a Military Wife' blog because well, I wouldnt be a military wife.
  I have the most amazing husband in the world. He has truly changed my life for the better. I have been through so much in my life and just when I had lost all hope, trust, and faith he came into my life. Matt and I met trough a mutual friend of ours. Lets just say to this day I am thankful for Kenny for this very reason. From the first day I ever saw Matt I knew he was something amazing. He proved me right the first time we actually hung out alone. He is the most handsome man I have ever met, he is funny, charming, sweet,smart, and well just amazing. I honestly can say that I have never met someone like him. In fact it wasnt that I just never met anyone like him its that I honestly thought they didnt exist.I am so thankful that God brought him into my life.

Well baby if you are reading this which Im sure one day you will. I am so thankful for you. You are the love of my life and I dont know what I would do without you. I am so proud of you and what your doing Matt. Not many people have the courage to do what you do everyday.. put up with me. Lol jkjk im talking about sacrificing your life for people you do not even know. We miss you so much back home and can not wait till its all over and you are back here with us. Stay safe Matt and come home soon. I love you so much baby.

Military Appreciation Day Parade

Saturday was Military Appreciation Day. Mountain Home Idaho looks forward to this day all year long so its a huge event for this tiny town. It stars off with a big Parade. All these Veterans, Military personnel, and other organizations design floats. Then there is a contest for best float. Then after in Carl Miller Park There are booths set up and food and games and music. Its really nice. Well since 726th is 90% deployed the wives were the ones that sat in on their float. It was really nice. We had about 5 hummers and spouses and children throwing candy and beads off of them. Well we won the best float contest. It was really fun. I can say that one thing on the good side of Matt being gone, even if this is the only thing, is that I have got to experience things I would never had a chance to such as the live radio interview, the 726th float and Im sure more to come. Here are some pictures fro the parade and our float.

But of course I am still Missing My wonderful amazing husband like crazy..

When does this feeling go away?

Well yesterday I was sad.. then Matt surprised me on skype late last night and that really made my night so much better.. then I slept good for most of the night before I woke up with a horrible nightmare I have had since I was younger and in alot of pain from my knees. So I woke up not so good. Then of course I didnt know If I was going to be able to talk to Matt or not today. I was really sad.. I hate that feeling of being so sad and only wanting to hear from your husband, to have him here to make everything better and you cant. Well as I was writing this he surprised me again and got on skype. I got to see him for the longest since he has been gone. It really is amazing how something so simple can make my day totally flip around. Do I still miss him? Yes like crazy and Im still kinda down but seeing him made it so much better. I love you Matthew Ryan thank you so much for all that you do. Your so good to me. I hope you start feeling better soon. Wish you were here so I could bring you soup and grilled cheese and you can relax in bed and watch movies till your all better again. We miss you here. Stay safe

Missing Him so much

Today is Military Appreciation day here in Mountain Home ID. We have  big parade and festival. This day has made me miss Matt so much. I rode on his squadrons float and was celebrating a day he should be here to celebrate too. I am here watching Ohio State beat Miami.. Thats Matt's favorite team he should be here watching this with me. He should be laying with me and taking the dogs to the park tonight with me then we come home and fall asleep watching a movie we have never seen or one we have seen a million times. He should be doing all of this stuff with me. He is missing so much these next six months. I know its 10x harder out there for him. I am lucky I have our home, dogs, and all the normal stuff while he is in  place thats not home that we arent at and he is working long hard hours in a very dangerous place.. but that doesnt mean I dont hurt too, that I dont miss him more then anything in this world. I really need him here holding me tonight.. and forever.

Your on the Air

Well I did it. I went on and did a live radio interview this morning. I was sitting there thinking yesterday after I agreed to do it and was trying to figure out why I said yes. I came to realize that 1. I am so proud of my husband and I want the world to see that 2. How can I say no to Mrs. JoAnn Carpenter and 3. Because its a once in a life time opportunity. So why not right? Well it went really well! It didnt just go well it went great, and was really fun! We decided to go on in groups of 3 instead of individually which made it less nerve wracking. The table was set up in the Mountain Home AFB gym next to the Bistro so alot of people were walking by and stopping and staring to see what was going on. Its not every day you see a live radio station set up somewhere you pass by everyday. Soo I did it. I conquered y fear.. well maybe not conquered it because I will always be nervous doing thing like that, but the point is I did it. I reached out to people and told the a little more about a life as a military spouse.

Live Radio Interview

Public speaking is one of my worst fears.. so why did I agree to do a interview on live radio at 7am tomorrow? Im not exactly sure. I got a call from Mrs. JoAnn Carpenter the squadron commanders wife asking if I would like to do it and as she is sitting there explaining what she thought might happen I am telling myself NO NO NO DONT DO IT JUST SAY NO THANK YOU! But then all of a sudden I hear my self tell her of course I will let me know the time an I will see you tomorrow. Then within seconds my hands started shaking and I started getting all sweaty which I can imagine will be the same thing that will happen to me tomorrow. I never even liked talking in front of 20 of my classmates let alone thousands of people I dont even know. Well here I am playing over and over in my head the types of questions they will sk me ( about Matt deploying, being a military wife, if we have any children, etc) and how I might answer them. I love the military, yes my husband is deployed, yes its sad, no we have no children.... can I just leave it at that? Hmmm probably not. Man oh man Im hating myself for saying yes... do they have classes on how to just say NO! Because I afraid Im not too good at it. Lets just be thankful that this is  radio interview and not a tv one. Oh Boy here we go.....

Better day

Well today was a much better day then the past two days. I didnt get much sleep but more then I did the night before. I stayed up most of the night talking to Matt on Skype and then I actually got a phone call which was amazing. I loved seeing his handsome face and hear his voice. When I wasnt talking to him I actually fell asleep. I think being able to talk to him for more then 5 minutes and seeing him put me at ease and let me relax alot. It was really nice. Also he was in the airport for a while today so I got to chat with him on IM for a few hours. It was amazing. I might not get y usual full amount of sleep tonight because Im gonna still wake up to see if he is online often but I think tonight I will get the most I have had since this past weekend. It should be nice. Then Im off till 5PM tomorrow so hopefully I get to talk to him in the morning.
   Although being able to talk to him put me at ease now he is  in Iraq and that is going to make me nervous all over again. Now that they took combat troops out it scares me even more then if they had combat troops. So that might keep me up at night.... man Im ready for this deployment to be OVER!! Miss you baby

Military for 20? Or get out?

I have been  the one that has wanted Matt to stay in for the full twenty years or longer. He always brings up getting out going reserves and doing something else preferably in the law category. I never liked that idea. I can now say that I want him to get out. I am 100% sure that I do not want to live this life anymore. I dont want to go another day without him, another night. I want him to come home to me in six months and be here for good. I dont want to worry about the next deployment. I want more then ever for him to come home and tell me he is never going anywhere. That he is getting out of the military. I want to move to Ohio now and start our family now. I dont want to wait to move to Ohio and buy our house, I dont want to go through any more deployments after this one. I dont want this military life anymore. I know this is so selfish but the hurt of him being gone is way to bad. Im ready to have a normal life with the man I love. The one I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I never thought I would want to leave this lifestyle but I want it now and I dont know how much longer I can wait. Hopefully I dont have to wait any longer... I will give up seeing the world as long as I have him home for good. Its in Gods hands now... that and my husbands.

1st night

Well last night was the first night I slept without Matt. I honestly thought I would fall right asleep because I had such a sad and hectic weekend. All the teas would have made me fall right asleep... that was not the case. I was up for hours on end waiting for a phone call or email. Then about midnight I fell asleep only to wake up 30 minutes later to check my email and phone. I did this all night. Even when I knew he was on a 6 hour flight and I could sleep sound till about 6am. I was still up every hour to check for something from him. I needed something from him. At about 8 am I woke up for good. Took a fast shower and since have been attached to my computer. He was online for a few minutes which was nice but not nearly long enough. Then seeing a picture of him that was taken at an airport in Maine made me loose it all over again. I hate this, the fact I cant call or text him any time I want. Or even hug or kiss him. Today sucks. I am hoping to dont miss something an email or call while Im at the eye doctor today...

Gone baby gone

After 6 months of preparing for the deployment, being taken off the deployment and put on a job change list, being taken off the job change list and back on the deployment list only a month before the deployment, having a set deployment date, moving it up, then moving it back hours before leaving time twice, Matt has left for Iraq. Let just say saying goodbye more then one time in the same weekend because of the time  change is way worse then having to say it one time. The last one was still of course the hardest. I almost expected a phone call saying the time has changed yet again on our way up to base, but as we were sitting in the squadron and the bags were already loaded my stomach started to turn because that one was the real one... the last goodbye for six months. As I expected the goodbye sucked and was the hardest thing I have ever had to do to this point in my life. Most of the time Im ok surprisingly but then I remember how long he will be gone and how long that really is and it starts to suck, and when it sucks it hurts. The next few weeks the laundry will be done and his clothes will be folded and put away his smell will slowly fade away and it will all become real that he isnt just working for the day. Yes all the rest of his stuff is here but its not the same as having him hold me at night. This is where the MILITARY LIFE SUCKS comes into play. But other then that I dont mind it one bit lol. Its going to be a longgggg six months lets just say that. If your reading this baby... I miss you, come home soon.